I started my quarter life crisis on my 29th birthday. And when it kicked in it was like a punch in the face – that I then kept giving myself regularly!
What is a quarter life crisis?
A quarter life crisis is an experience some people go through when transitioning from the adolescent period of your life and into adulthood – generally at some point in your 20’s.
You’re trying to work out who you are as an adult and what your proper ‘adult’ life looks like, more often than not at a time when you’re also questioning your current / early career choices – and as you start to look around you for inspiration of what others are doing, all of a sudden you do a lot of comparison, and feel like you’re falling behind.
Going through this sort of crisis can leave you feeling lost, helpless, stuck, indecisive and very apprehensive about the future and your ability to be successful at life in general.
What prompted my quarter life crisis?
For me it started with the realisation in turning 29 that I was only a year off 30, and the acknowledgement that I had a list of things that I felt I should have achieved by the time I turned 30 (such as find the right partner, get married, buy the house, achieve a certain job title and salary level…). And truly it frightened me because I realised I was nowhere near achieving any of those things. All of a sudden I felt like I was falling behind everyone else, didn’t know how to move forwards, and that I was failing at life generally.
What age does a quarter life crisis happen?
A quarter life crisis normally takes place somewhere between your mid-twenties and your early 30’s. See my blog post on ‘what age is a quarter life crisis for more info on this.
So what are the signs of a quarter life crisis?
These are some of the signs of a quarter life crisis:
-
Feeling Stuck or Unfulfilled
One of the most common signs of a quarter-life crisis is a pervasive feeling of being stuck or unfulfilled. You may experience a sense of disappointment and frustration you’re your expectations of success, both personal and professional, are not met. You may question your career choices, relationships, or even your overall life path, leading to a deep sense of dissatisfaction.
-
Intense Self-Reflection and Existential Questioning
During a quarter-life crisis, we often engage in intense self-reflection and existential questioning. You might ponder the purpose and meaning of your life, leading to a search for deeper meaning and personal fulfillment. This introspective phase can be both enlightening and overwhelming, as you grapple with existential dilemmas and the pressure to make significant life decisions.
-
Negative Social Comparison
The prevalence of social media exacerbates the quarter-life crisis by fostering a sense of comparison.
As human beings, we make sense of the world and learn by comparing what we see (for example what we see others doing) with what we know already – what they used to be doing if they’re people that we know, or what we ourselves are doing.
However when we start doing this, we tend to identify where we’re not performing or where we look different to others. This can leading to anxiety and self-doubt. The constant exposure to carefully curated versions of others’ lives can create unrealistic expectations and amplify feelings of inadequacy.
-
Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)
The comparison with others and seeing the wonderful life that they’re leading can often then lend itself to a fear of missing out (FOMO). We feel pressured to keep up with our peers, both personally and professionally. When we compare ourselves and realise that we compare unfavourably, we start to feel like we’re missing out on all the wonderful things we feel we should be doing, and the life we feel we should be leading – based on what others are doing.
-
Unsettled Relationships and Social Isolation
Quarter-life crisis can also impact personal relationships, as we struggle to navigate the complexities of friendships and romantic partnerships within a period of our lives when a lot of change is happening. The process of self-discovery and personal growth can lead to a re-evaluation of existing relationships, sometimes resulting in feelings of isolation or disconnect. This period of transformation can be particularly challenging when friends and loved ones are on different paths.
If friends or peers are starting to ‘settle down’ and get married, and you’re still holding the torch for the single gals, you can start to feel really out of place in the social groups you’ve been comfortable within – which can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation.
-
Increased Anxiety and Stress
The quarter-life crisis is often accompanied by heightened levels of anxiety and stress. Uncertainty about the future, combined with societal pressures and self-imposed expectations, can create a perfect storm of emotional distress. Sleep disturbances, irritability, and a general sense of overwhelm may manifest as individuals grapple with the uncertainty and demands of this pivotal stage. This tendency is reflected statistically in the UK, where those aged 18 – 34 and women in partcular are shown to be most affected by mental health issues.
-
Desire for Change and New Experiences
While the quarter-life crisis is marked by internal turmoil, it can also serve as a catalyst for personal growth and positive change. Many individuals experiencing this phase yearn for new experiences and seek to break free from their comfort zones. This desire for change often leads to the exploration of new hobbies, travel, or even a career shift, as individuals strive to align their lives with their evolving sense of self.
If this is something that rings true for you then my online course ‘create the life you really want’ may be worth considering. It will help guide you through the process of making those decisions for yourself about what you actually want, and then also to take you through the process of how to achieve your goals.
Many Millennials and Gen Z-ers are abandoning the economic status dreams that previous generations of young adults held – and are questioning their purpose, identity and place in society. Many are grappling with the question of whether their lives have meaning and whether they’re making a positive impact on the world. Many are questioning the values and beliefs that were instilled in them by their parents and society at large. This is believed to be part of the reason behind the rise of the YOLO economy – from the side-hustle to those who no longer want to be tied to traditional corporate models – people are looking for more meaningful work.
Navigating the quarter-life crisis is undoubtedly a challenging process, but it can also be an opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery. Recognizing the signs of a quarter-life crisis is the first step towards understanding and addressing the underlying issues. Having been through this sort of crisis myself, I can assure you that there is a way forwards, and that by embracing self-reflection, and seeking support from loved ones or professionals where appropriate, you can emerge from this transitional period with a renewed sense of purpose and a clearer vision for the future.
The quarter-life crisis is a normal and natural part of the journey to adulthood, and it can ultimately lead to a more authentic and fulfilling life. If you want some help with this process, then do either book in a free 30 min call with me, or join the online course which is designed specifically to help you navigate through this period of your life.