The Myth of Having It All

You can’t have it all.

There we go, I’ve said it.

You can’t have it all. Well, at least not at the same time.

You have to choose which parts of having it all are your priorities right now, and focus on making the best of those.

[Ends blog here]. 

Well, ok – let’s explore it a bit.

The origin of ‘having it all’

The concept of “having it all” is largely attributed to the publication of Helen Gurley Brown’s groundbreaking book, “Having It All: Love, Success, Sex, Money, Even If You’re Starting with Nothing.” Brown, the iconic former editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan magazine, was known for her audacious approach to life and career. Her book, published in 1982, was a reflection of her belief that anyone, including what she calls a “mouse burger,” (apparently this is a woman of unexceptional appearance or talent) could achieve personal and professional success regardless of their starting point in life.

Some of the advice in the book has not dated well, but the essence of ‘Having it all’ portrayed the idea that, with the right attitude, determination, and a touch of glamour, individuals could overcome obstacles and achieve their aspirations.

The myth of ‘having it all’ is that Helen Gurley Brown’s message was not originally so much about balancing motherhood with a career, as the phrase “having it all” has come to imply in more recent years. Instead, it was about the broader idea that anyone, regardless of their background or circumstances, could work towards personal and professional success.

Notably, Brown did not have children herself, and her unique perspective emphasized the importance of personal choice and ambition in defining what it meant to “have it all.”

So what does ‘Having it all’ mean in current times?

The phrase does now seem to relate to some extent to balancing the heavy demands of both a successful career and parenthood.

However its evolution encompasses a more varied definition of success and fulfilment. It’s now about:

• Aligning work with one’s values, resulting in a fulfilling career
• Maintaining strong personal relationships with friends and family
• Having children if you want, and not if you don’t
• Prioritizing self-care
• Having a varied social life
• Travelling the world and having new and varied experiences
• Making a positive impact on the community / world
• Having a loving relationship with a partner
• Looking after your mental and physical health
• Investing time in spiritual wellbeing
• Being successful in your career & earning enough money to have financial freedom

Now being honest, I’ve yet to meet anyone who is doing all of the above. In fact, I’ve yet to meet anyone EVER who has got all of the above in place.

So let’s get to the REALITY about having it all.

You can’t have it all.

Back to that again.

It’s my believe that ‘balancing it all’ is a healthier endeavour.

The Reality of a Balancing Act

Balancing all of the above in a way that works for you is a more realistic objective. Life is constantly shifting, and our priorities change over time.

Moreover, the pressure to “have it all” can lead to burnout, stress, and feelings of inadequacy.

The truth is, achieving balance requires us to make choices. It’s about recognizing what matters most to us at different stages of life and dedicating our time and energy accordingly. This doesn’t mean that we have to sacrifice our ambitions or dreams, but rather that we should be mindful of our limitations and pace ourselves.

Dispelling the Myth

The myth of “having it all” can be detrimental to our well-being. It often leads to comparison, self-doubt, and the feeling of constantly falling short. Instead of chasing this unattainable ideal, we should focus on setting realistic goals, managing our time wisely, and seeking support when needed.

Finding Your Balance

So if we’re shifting our perspective to “balancing it all” how do we do that? This means acknowledging that some periods of time will be more focused on career, while others may centre on family or personal goals. It’s about embracing the ebb and flow of life and making choices that align with our values and priorities. And taking time out periodically to review whether those priorities are evolving.

In conclusion, “having it all” is a myth that can lead to unrealistic expectations and unnecessary stress. Instead, let’s aim for balance and recognize that it’s okay to set boundaries, prioritize, and ask for help when needed. By doing so, we can lead more fulfilling and content lives while pursuing our dreams and aspirations, just as Helen Gurley Brown encouraged in her groundbreaking book.